It Reflects Badly On Me

(parenthesis indicate spoken parts)

Button up your overcoat
When the wind is free
If you do not comply
And you catch cold and die
It reflects badly on me

(Daughter: What??)

Button up your blouse my dear
Don't leave it open down to there
Not to hassle you but
When you dress like a slut
It reflects badly on me

(Daughter:  Geeze, Mom, it's not THAT bad)

Don't do that or this or that
Even if I do
Do as I say and not as I do
That's my advice to you

Don't go drinking alcohol
It will be your own downfall
I may sound like a bitch
But if you're drunk in a ditch
It reflects badly on me

(Daughter:  Oh yeah, we can't have THAT eyeroll)

Aren't those pants a little tight my dear
Don't be the blimp of old Goodyear
If you get fat
Or anything like that
It reflects badly on me

Don't do this or that or this
Just because it's what you see
Do as I say and not as I do
Or they'll be blaming me!

Must you hang out with the guys
Who paint black circles round their eyes
Is that really the style?
You may like it meanwhile
It reflects badly on me

(And while we're at it)

Did you think that I would miss
When you gave that girl a kiss?
Confidentially dear
It's just fine if your queer
But for goodness sakes
Don't let the neighbors hear!
It reflects badly on me

(Oh, Mom! If you had your way I'd be just like everyone else.  What do you want me to do?  Join a convent?)

Would it hurt to go to church?
Every once in a while
Be religious
But not TOO religious
It reflects badly on me!